WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
These aren't questions; they are statements.
When was the last time you stared at yourself in the mirror after a night of wanton drinking and scrutinized the destruction written all over your face.When was the last time you escaped into the hinterland because an old love had wronged you again and liberated from the lights of civilization the starry skies revealed in their infinity your nothingness.
When was the last time you visited your daughter's grave who died 30 years ago or could you even find her headstone.
When was the last time you tripped deep into your mind to recall your father when he was 30 and you were ten impatiently waiting in the driveway for him to come home from work so he could toss you the football while you ran routes.
When was the last time you said fuck it, swallowed a Xanax, smoked a joint and sat on the balcony playing guitar and sipping from a glass of wine.
When was the last time you made love and after depositing your still fertile seed into her fathomless softness you held her head in your cupped hands and said, "I love you."
When was the last time you dropped to your knees before an altar with flickering candles surrounding you, the church redolent with incense, and Jesus, Mary and the saints looking benevolently upon you as you begged, "God, forgive me for my sins."
I was born ignorant and I will die ignorant, but it wasn't because my family and friends didn't try to show me the way. I can't escape the futility of it all. That's it. Why haven't I taken the false escape through the trap door you might ask?
Because like the drunk who at two in the morning is willing to close his eyes to the reality lying beneath him, my addiction to the cheap thrill has been my salvation.
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