BAD BREATH

"My chick refuses to kiss me, big guy."

"Why?"

"She says I have bad breath. She didn't tell me earlier because she didn't want to hurt my feelings."

"Based on your latest rants, you haven't been too considerate of her."

"It's bullshit. I have never had bad breath in my life except after a night of partying. I was with the bartender last night. She stopped at the apartment prior to work. To my relief, I came quickly. The last time I couldn't. Even though she has a body sculpted through surgery, she excites me about as much as an inflatable doll. To deal with my doubts, I asked if I had bad breath and she said not at all."

"This is an indication of your chick's growing distaste for you. No matter how scrumptious the appeal to other noses, the mere smell of a coveted food may turn one's stomach. A surfeit of you has made you repugnant to her olfactory glands."

"My bad breath is another cynical tactic on her part. From the beginning she has conducted an insidious campaign against me. In the wake of describing all her lovers in detail, she insulted me by saying I didn't excite her in bed. Besides telling me how much she relished being fucked hard, guys bored her after they had fucked her once."

"That would be a red flag if I were keeping a tally. If a chick had no misgivings about fucking and guys bored her after their inaugural coupling, I would be concerned that her numbers might be astronomically high if figures other than the one under me mattered."

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