OLD MAN MAKES MOVE
Richard greeted us with his usual flair. We took our seats at the back of the bar where it was quiet and we would not be disturbed. I requested a bottle of wine as well as a charcuterie board. We chatted about our day and traded school district gossip when I decided to take control of the narrative as the talking heads are wont to say.
"Okay," she answered.
"This is not a proposal. This is an idea, something you might consider although I'm not kidding myself into thinking that you might not have better options, substantially better options."
"What are you talking about? You've lost me before we've even started."
"You're not abiding by my instructions. Stimulate your taste buds with wine and salami while I talk. Okay?"
"Okay."
"And don't talk with your mouth full."
"I love your wit," she chuckled.
"You've been divorced six months. From our previous conversations I have gathered that you are not interested in a reconciliation and you want to move in a different direction. You and your ex have settled into the schedule of caring for your daughter and everything seems to be working smoothly between the two of you."
She nodded.
"You are the principal of a grammar school. Even though you are a free woman, you don't have the luxury of losing your head as if you were in your twenties and indulging in the single life. I may be presuming too much about you, but we reside in a city with a small-town mentality. You have a reputation that you have to protect. You've already stirred the pot with your unexpected divorce and everyone wants more dirt because that is human nature. You can't provide the loose tongues with more ammunition to gun you down."
She pressed her lips together in an expression of anticipation.
"We're not in Paris cavorting like artists where outrageous behavior is the rule rather than the exception. We're in Brownsville where nothing delights the populace more than peering into each other's closets, particularly in you're a person of distinction. You strike me as someone who embraces spontaneity, but you also impress me as someone who knows she has to deal with limits. As a grammar school principal, you can't be seen on Facebook at a club throwing back shots of tequila with your arms wrapped around a drunk even if he's a handsome hunk. Those days are over for you. You have to be discreet at all costs, particularly with your friends. Women will betray other women in a second."
An intense look suffused her face. I cut to the chase.
"You are in transition. Everyone needs a lover, but you have to proceed cautiously."
"I'm sorry, but everyone needs a lover!?" she asked.
"Everyone needs a lover and you more than anyone. You are beautiful and the epitome of class. You need to have an intimate relationship with someone who can prize your special qualities."
"An intimate relationship!?"
"Let me fill your glass and quit interrupting me. You heard me right. You need to have an intimate relationship to satisfy your emotional, intellectual, social and physical needs. You recognize that you are an exceptional person. After so many years of marriage, your husband probably didn't value you in your estimation. I have been married several times and I can talk with firsthand knowledge about love and infatuation's slow deterioration. One day you think you have everything and the next day you discover that you have nothing. In today's world very few people are meant to be together for a lifetime. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know."
I munched on a piece of cheese as I tried to collect my thoughts, so I could better deliver my pitch.
"Since you are in a transitional period, you need to have a transitional relationship. You don't want anything permanent. You aren't ready for a serious commitment and anything that has to do with future considerations. You have to be totally in the now. You don't need a jealous boyfriend who is only complicating your life. You must be free, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be possessed. Kissing a lot of frogs until you discover your prince as the saying goes is out of the question unless you have an unquenchable lust that inspires you to go for it and screw any criticism that might come your way. I'm not saying that you aren't capable of throwing caution to the wind because we all have our wild and reckless sides that want to succumb to our fantasies, but there is a price to be paid for that careless behavior. Maybe men can get away with it, but women can't. It's the law of the jungle. A man who seduces many women is held in awe while a woman who sleeps with many men is held in contempt."
"And here I thought you were a liberal thinker. You can at least be a gentleman and fill my glass. I think I'm going to need my share of alcohol to comprehend the rest of your jabberwocky."
"Jabberwocky! I like that."
"Are you going to eventually make your point?"
"I will if you quit interrupting me," I responded in a risible tone.
She motioned with her hand to continue.
"You may be too young to remember, but when Bush II was running for president he commissioned Dick Cheney with the responsibility of finding him a suitable vice presidential candidate. Lo and behold, Cheney returned with the solution that he was the best candidate. Since history repeats itself, I am the best candidate to be your significant other during this fluid time in your life. There is an energy between us that might qualify as an attraction. If we determine the circumstances are right, we should go for it. It would be an exciting adventure."
She shook her head as if she were trying to regain consciousness.
"I'm 74 and you're 33. I am the ideal person to serve you on an interim basis. I don't know if I'm going to live another two or three years. We both recognize that our friendship wouldn't be long-lasting, but I would give you time to breathe and at the same time I would give you the appreciation you deserve. I could commit to being faithful. We would keep our own places. There's no point in living together, particularly for your daughter's sake. We would get together a couple of times a week and enjoy the ride. We could give new meaning to the word mellow. We would exude an aura of liberation. It would be both fun and fulfilling. And because we had an understanding, there would come a time when we would amicably part ways, grateful for the time we had spent together."
"You are crazy, aren't you? I've been warned about you. Do you really expect me to buy this crap you're selling? I've had the pleasure of your acquaintance, but, if the truth be told, I hardly know you. And what gives you the notion that I'm attracted to you? Numbers don't lie. I'm young and you're old."
"My age works to your advantage. You won't be stuck with me, but you will have all the benefits of someone who cares for you and can escort you through this intervening period in your life. I know that you would be perfect for me and I'm confident that I would be perfect for you. I would simplify things for you until you were ready to risk your sanity on a more serious compromise. You would be happy and one day when I'm long gone you would remember this interval with fondness. Roles might reverse. You could be in the position of a 74-year-old gal helping a 33-year-old guy in the wake of his failed marriage as a result of our experiment. Never underestimate the charms of a mature woman. I have no doubt that you will still have your mojo."
"Estás bien loco! I'm not sure if we should share another bottle of wine. I'm glad that you're not presenting this argument before a jury. They would give you an immediate thumbs down. Richard! Bring Mick a glass of water. You men are so full of yourselves. Everything that you have just told me is beyond ridiculousness and I can't believe that you would believe that you could convince me of your little scheme. My daughter and I are very content and I'm not so desperate that I need a transitional lover. A transitional lover! I'll give you credit for coming up with a new one. I like the way things are between us, no more, no less. I like our conversations, but just because I've had dinner and gone drinking with you doesn't mean that I want anything more than a friendship. Your generation was all about baseball, hot dogs and apple pie. You have a leave-it-to-Beaver mentality. My generation doesn't roll that way. We females are independent. We're capable of thinking for ourselves. We don't need a man's bad advice. I'm glad that you care for me, but I don't need saving. I am at peace and I will let the future unfold gradually. I hope you don't feel like I'm rejecting you. I'm telling you as kind as I can that you are full of shit. I will give you an 'A' for effort. And I will concede that you are sweet, but you shouldn't allow a few compliments to send your head spinning."
"Am I so enamored with you that I have made a fool of myself?"
"You are only enamored with yourself and you want to puff out your chest by adding another feather to your cap. As to making a fool out of yourself, you're too much of a gambler to delude yourself. You're simply rolling the dice because you have nothing to lose."
"I didn't roll a seven?"
"No, but if it makes you feel better, you didn't roll snake eyes or boxcars either. You're no fool, Don Juan. Or at your stage in life should I say Don Quijote?"
"Mala! Muy, muy mala!"
We both laughed.
"Bring us another bottle, Richard," I ordered.
"Yes, sir!"
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