CRUNCH

Scientists agree in general that there are approximately two trillion galaxies and two to four billion suns in each galaxy in our universe. These are only the observable bodies that man's limited telescopes can observe. The number of planets, including our miniscule presence, exceeds a human's capacity to calculate and comprehend.

From our tiny perspective we have no idea if we inhabit the only universe or if there are trillions of universes also. We might consider an ant insignificant, but do we have any right to presume when we are virtually nothing? The human race could disappear tomorrow and a pebble tossed into a resaca would precipitate a greater ripple.

I read, maybe not quite as voraciously as others, but I have a healthy appetite for knowledge. As I contemplate existence from its multiple angles, I can only come to one conclusion: We are absolutely insignificant as a species and more particularly in the case of individuals. If we released the controls we exercise over ourselves, we would go absolutely mad dealing with our meaninglessness.

There are billions of our fellow inhabitants who are looking for an easy way out to avoid the reality of our nothingness, but there are the fatalists who believe we emerge from the muck and return to the muck at the conclusion of the movie we have been privileged to attend. For each of us there is the final scene--THE END.

But before anyone succumbs to an incurable depression, we should embrace our insignificance rather than being overwhelmed by this instinctual truth that most do their best to ignore. In terms of all the different beliefs that have distracted man from facing the facts throughout our short-lived history, in our heart of hearts we know: When you are dead, you are dead. 

There is no heaven nor hell. There is no energy zipping through the vast expanses of space. There is nothing that remains except for a few scattered bones sucked dry by the maggots. 

NADA!

We are quickly forgotten. A void is promptly filled. A grandmother dies and a granddaughter replaces her. Those who have a vague memory of us are cyclically banished and after a brief period of mourning nobody remembers them. 

But should we be intimidated by our nothingness or should we liberate ourselves from the burden of imagining that we have a preordained place in eternity? It is not easy because we all fear death, not so much for ourselves but for loved ones. I often ask myself: How can I relish this magnificent moment if I know my father or brother or son aren't a part of this instant?

Most times we can because we have forgotten them except as ghostly figures in our minds who occasionally visit us in our dreams..

As I ponder insignificance, I try to look at the positive rather than the negative. Why should I lose my composure over an incident or a thought when it's all insignificant? I endeavor my best within the constraints of my animalistic nature to detach myself. Of course I suffer when confronted with an unexpected and heartbreaking turn of events, but I do my best to inhale deeply in order to exhale my pain. We have no other choice. We are all caught in the same current destined for the same waterfall.

I know that I haven't been successful in achieving this goal as worries and woes constantly besiege me, but we have to unburden ourselves as much as we can. We can cling to anything within arm's reach, but in the closing act we are swept away and drown in the bottomless pit of time.

I would never make a good Jainist who abhor violence to the extent that they won't kill an insect. I can never resist the urge of stepping on a big red ant when it strolls across my path at the wrong time and at the place. The CRUNCH I hear as a bury my shoe into its back becomes a metaphor for my existence.