CRAZY CAROLINE

Who is the fictional character "Crazy" Carolina Contreras? If you asked anyone associated with the Brownsville Independent School District (BISD), you would hear a collective groan. A former educator and administrator, Contreras preyed on innocent victims, whether they be teachers or students. She emanated hate. A thick, yellow pus flowed from her raptorial mouth as her spittle splattered her frightened victims.

"I will never forget her," said a retired school district professor. "She was like the Wicked Witch of the West who liked to unleash her flying monkeys on her perceived enemies. Even though she didn't have a broom, she would sweep down on individuals and threatened them with disciplinary measures for acts they hadn't committed. She was so evil to people that her critics accused her of having goat's breath.

"There was no love and kindness in her relationships with her colleagues and the kids. She was a bully who abused her authority. She thought she could intimidate BISD employees because she held superior positions. She would have been right at home at Auschwitz or Dachau had she been born in another time and another place."

Angrier than an alligator but proud of her razor sharp teeth, Contreras is calling herself an instrument of God as she declares war on lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer persons. Would God choose a broken trumpet to try to bring down the walls of Jericho? Of course not, but Contreras is pleading with God to rain down Sodom and Gomorrah on these souls because they have different sexual orientations. This is a false prophet who in her professional life reveled in the persecution of others.

"Maybe the poor woman needs a good fuck," chuckled Maclovio O'Malley, la Voz de los Vatos. "For the record, however, she's not my type. Since 'Captain' Bob gives the impression on his goofy show that there isn't a woman he wouldn't screw, he might be able to turn Carolina into a nymphomaniac."

"How crazy is this lunatic?" asked Father Jesus P. Cadissimo who ministers to the poor of Brownsville. "In the name of the Lord, believe it or not, she would ride Sancho Panza's donkey down Elizabeth Street converted into a hideous version of Lady Godiva ranting and raving, 'Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!'

"God works in strange and wondrous ways, but he would never select this strange cult figure suppurating with odium for her fellow human beings to preach a message of exclusion rather than inclusion. Thinking that she is a part of a fanatical flock of white sheep, she forgets that Jesus embraced the black sheep. 

"There is nothing wondrous about Contreras. In the name of Jesus Christ, she spreads wickedness. If she were living in Brownsville before the Civil War, there is no doubt that she would stand before the city council and wildly assert that the bible endorsed slavery.

"Like the deceitful Trump, Contreras' soul is black with mortal sin. Will she appear again in City Hall and sputter and slobber that all lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders and queers be exiled to Matamoros and Brownsville's two gay commissioners forced to resign from their seats because she is now proclaiming that she is both the judge and jury? Among the Christians there are many rats and Contreras is indubitably their Pied Piper."

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